Perfect parenting

I am beginning to remember my most ghastly moments of frightful drunkenness at the British Telecom do the other night. Some BT bigwigs and art supporters came over to meet me having seen my designs for my phone box. One said "Your box is great" so I looked down at my er um ... as you might and said "yeah it was great last time I looked.". Whereupon there was a deathly hush. I thought it was really funny - not any more I don't!

I thought I would detox. After all a spring clean for my body is always a good idea. So I went to Holland and Barrett where they sell healthy things all completely alien to me. I bought acai berry capsules and green tea. I took these things and drank these things as prescribed but nothing happened. I didn't feel instantly energetic or completely cleansed. Perhaps my healthy eating of late isn't sufficiently testing the berries and tea. OK. I'll have a nice greasy breakfast with lots of toast and butter; let's see what you make of that Mr Acai Berry. Couldn't find the green tea so drank lots of earl grey with extra caffeine instead. Ah that's better. I feel a bit full now so I think I'll just go for a little lie down whilst it gets to work.

The Best Boy is filming in New Cross today and had a very early start. I admire his dedication as at 6.30 on a Sunday morning he is reading about waterworks disrupting the route and how he needs to change buses three times as there is no train service at that hour of the morning. I vowed I would not help him and told Mr Smith he wasn't to help him either. Why is this 22 year old idiot boy still living in our house? He is too lazy to put a clean duvet cover on his bed despite being asked to a hundred times. It took a week for him to put the sheet on. He is an animal and his room is an insult to any zoo. I am not helping him. He doesn't deserve it ..... I muttered I as I drove him all the way to Vauxhall to catch a bus to SE London.

So now you see why I needed a cooked breakfast and a little rest.... Oh forget that stupid detox, gin is the only answer.