I went for a super long early morning swim yesterday; I was positively Rebecca Adlington. Judith Big Bra was in the next lane and I raced her, without her knowing, and I won by at least three sixteenths of a second. Then the rudest man in the world came along and got into my lane even though JBB had left and hers was empty. I glared at him quite hard which he must have noticed as I have lost my goggles and the chlorine makes my eyes look like Bride of Dracula. I then moved lanes and hoped he would drown.
I watched a really interesting program about shoplifting and am thinking of taking it up. It looks quite easy and we then wouldn't have to pay for things. If I got caught I could go to prison then my upkeep would cost less. I wonder how many other people think like this; the national crime rate is going to treble overnight.
My friend Ill Will is so ill. I hope he doesn't die. He has had to have much of his insides removed which is pretty horrendous. Maybe it would be better if he did die. His life has always been work, drink, smoke and it looks like he can never do any of those again. He is witty and funny and everyone adores him. Cancer is so fucking frightening.
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