The Apprentice is hanging about at home between jobs with not much to do so I think up entertainments and amusements to keep him occupied such as pairing his socks, pairing his brother's socks and assembling furniture. Yesterday he changed a lightbulb (trickier than you might think as it had broken in its fitting) and I stewed him in a smelly car in the East End - never a dull moment if you live with me. Today he will be making bread. I bought him an automatic bread maker the size of a small outlet of Greggs that takes up much kitchen. We had a go yesterday and ate the whole loaf; it was just perfect. Pumpernickel today, I feel adventurous.
I find goggles a great aid to better swimming. A few weeks ago I lost mine at the pool and had to send off for some new ones that never arrived. If you see a postman wearing a pair of swimming goggles they were meant for me. They sent another pair that are just the ticket. I swam like a mermaid. Well actually, I didn't because a fish tail swim suit and bare tits might give other the members of the golf club a bit of a turn. Last week in the changing room a lady was showing off her new goggles which I highly suspect were my lost goggles - may her eyeballs bulge out from her head like one of those really ugly goldfish .... forever. I will name my new ones with a school name tape and a little fuck-off-you-thieving-bitch note.
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