The curious incident of the dog in the night

I absolutely love my new flat in Kent now.  We moved in on top of the builders, adding to their pile. Everything arrived - new bed, new fridge, new dishwasher.  I busied myself assembling flat packed furniture wrong.... twice. You cannot open the oven or saucepan cupboard as dishwasher is in the way.  Oh well, who wants to cook when they are on holiday?  As long as you can wash the plates from the takeaways all is well.

After an exhausting day of packing and unpacking we went to investigate the local indian restaurant.  They had horrid smelly candles and awful clientelle.  Well I dare say there were some very nice other diners; we just weren't in their vicinity.  The big fat Loud family effed and blinded throughout our curry until they got their food whereupon they shut up as they crammed it all into their big fat gobs. We might try the other indian next time.

Our bedroom is large and yellow and needs curtains which I am rustling up.  Our dog is annoying and busy.  He wouldn't settle in his basket in the kitchen so I transferred it to our room which was a pointless exercise as he safaried around the room all night picking a fight with a very scrunchy bean bag.  Feeling exhausted in the morning, I thought I would take him for a coastal walk to invigorate me.  He was settled angelically in his basket viewing me with one eye as if to say "Nah, if you want a walk go ahead, I'm a bit tired." 

We came back to London as Mr Tiger Smith was playing golf with a squirrel.  Well, that is a squirrel made a hole in his bag and scurried off with his sandwich.  Poor Mr Smith watched forlornly as his elevenses disappeared down the fairway.

Last night we went to the local pub as we had been invited for a free dinner.  This is because they are relaunching it from a spit and sticky carpet dive into a beautiful elegant restaurant with lovely food and superb decor.  Our dinner was not as free as it should have been and I pointed out if they wished to see us or any of our neighbours again they had better forget the extra charges for vegetables and pudding.  They agreed and Mr Smith stopped moaning.  Mrs Fixit on the case again.  I ate and drank far too much and now have a horrid hangover.  However, I will definitely go there again.  Kings Head, Roehampton High Street - Mrs Smith recommends.