New Year's Eve

Pub party tonight.  There's nothing like enforced enjoyment to make you wish you were in bed.  PooFace Humbug Features will be jollying along with me .... groan.  Oh well, he can come late and leave early whilst I have a jolly time.

I shall make some ridiculous resolutions.

No more eating standing up.
No unnecessary chocolate ie casual chocolate - only emergency chocolate.
Oh that's enough stupid resolutions before I promise to not drink, smoke, lie or swear for the whole year.  Of course I will be getting thinner and fitter and less greedy and more perfect in every way but I resolve to do that every year.

And here's to the barmaid who was sacked last week for shoving too much cocaine up her nose and generally being very unreliable.  Thanks for causing a bit of a scandal cos we don't get much round these parts.

Happy New Year forgot acquaintances.

The End

Oh goodness me, I blinked and it was the end of the year.

We finished decorating the downstairs of our house and Christmassified it suitably.  Mr Smith put off getting a tree for so long we almost didn't get one.  We had three in the end.  The first was our plastic whirl of lights that we always have - the invisible non drop tree with no tree at all - quite a hit with Mr Smith. The second was the proper lovely tree with the baubles and lights and a general disruption of furniture to fit it in.  The third was a baby tree bought two days before Christmas to decorate our alcove.  Much tutting and sighing by Mr Smith Poo Face Humbug Features.

Our house really is so lovely.  The curtains all turned out wonderfully and our paintings fitted in perfectly and we really are deliriously happy.  We had a Christmas of roaring fires and lovely guests, too much to eat and drink and a general spiffingly good time.

Presents: Mostly fab, heavy on the kitchen gadgetry.  I particularly like the juice maker having always thought that was vegan hessian wearers fare; I am now rather partial to an appley orangey lemony breakfast tipple.  Just the ticket for my over stretched liver.

I have new wellies.  Well, it was Christmas and Mr Smith's generosity knows no bounds .... They were in a sale.

Today they have all gone.  I was thinking of starting my diet. It is raining.  A howling wind is coming down the chimney and I feel like finishing all the Christmas cake on my own.  Is there any chocolate?

Sleeping dragon

Less fat now but woefully drowsy.  The dog and I both snooze at every opportunity snoring in glorious unison loudly.

I had a wonderful time in the Caribbean where I was Queen of the island, courted at every moment.  It was a very weird dream .... But it wasn't a dream and I sold so many paintings.  Wheehee.

I just need to wake up before Christmas.  Thank heavens for online shopping.

Home and away and home

It got cold.  I went to the gorgeous tropics.  Then I came home.  Now I am cold again and very very fat.

Mormonics

Tonight we, family Smith including Mr Smith, are going to become Mormons.  No we're not; we are going to the theatre to see The Book of Mormon.  It was one of Glen the Good's magnificent deals which meant we pay more to sit in worse seats!  He means well.

Our trip to Goa all seems to be going well.  Glen the Good was about to book stinky airways to save 3p.  I decided there was absolutely no way the lovely Naomi with kidney dialysis is doing that so I booked them on British Lovely Airways in the nice seats (Premium Economy) with a hope they will get bumped up to either business or first class.  They were also staying in some grotty apartments until I suggested they stay in Hotel Posh with us.  I have to hand it to the chap, he magically got a massive reduction in price.  There are seven of us going so far.  Positive coach party!

Broom broom woof woof.

My car went to the vet; my dog didn't.  The service for my Mercedes cost a million pounds; I very nearly cried.  I was so angry at the £990 bill that I forgot to take the dog to the vet.

Too much drinking is going on here.  Mr Smith is almost as bad as Mrs Smith.  On Monday he was fantastically drunk and fell down on his return from the pub into a box of lampshades which I can assure you was not very good for the lampshades.

Don the Decorator is taking a Forth Bridge approach to painting our bookshelves.  Many a layer has been necessary. I would like to wait a week for the paint to be really non sticky before putting books all over them.  The problem with this is I will be away and Mr Smith will be left to organise the books.  I have to say they do look splendid; It's a shame they are only going to house a few copies of Wisden and the odd Mickey Spillane.

And now it is painting time.  I am off to Nevis on Tuesday.  I must try and get my painting done as best I can.  The more I do now the less I have to do there and the more I can enjoy myself. I mean all work no play makes Jill a boring cow.

All sorts sorted

We sorted out the mad woman downstairs at the seaside flat.  She just needed a man to go "there there we will sort it all out for you".  I sent two.  My husband and Damp Proof Mark went to her flat and did their stuff.  She is now placated.  I did not visit her for fear I would tell her what I thought of her and her very rude threatening manner.  How dare she frighten my Mr Smith like that with her nasty aggressive tone.  She is off our Christmas list.

Our sitting room is finished but for a curtain and a radiator.  So it is freezing cold and very echoey.  My new sofa in my sitting room is proving very popular, especially with the dog.  I have hardly had a look in.  I am desperate for the shelves to be decorated so we can get our books out of their boxes.

Last night was Girls' Night Out.  It was extremely good fun, we bopped til we dropped, we drank a lot, we danced around a handbag and were thoroughly silly.  Naomi looked like a radiant little fairy.  It was really her party.  She is dying and I keep forgetting as she is such fun and so vibrant; she lives every day as though it is her last.  When "On top of the World" was played she cried. She just felt on top of the world surrounded by friends having what could be her last girls' night out.

Mr Smith and I are going on jolly holiday to India with Naomi and Glen the Good in January.  Given it could be her last holiday, we are all staying in Goa's most beautiful hotel.  I am so excited but I am terrified for Naomi as she is incredibly ill awaiting a kidney transplant.  This will be her last holiday before the operation and there is a very likely chance that she will die on the operating table.  Our lives have already been touched by Naomi in a lovely way as she is terrific fun and we adore her although we have only lived here for three months.  God, I hope she makes it through.

My latest diet hasn't worked.  Much deprivation just to stay the same stupid weight.  My scales might be a bit dodgy.  I need to stop boozing.  I will do it.