Pop Up House

The John Soane Museum has to be my favourite museum in London.  It is so lovely in every respect.  Whole walls open to reveal other rooms and the Rake's Progress lives behind the Election which folds back like a giant tryptych but better. It is most Alice and quite delicious.  The Rake wants to make my new house like this with many a pretend bookcase revealing secret rooms.  I like it as it is.

Final demands

The house sitter demanded train fares for the whole of Britain, food allowance, a bicycle, tv in her room and £250 a week. I just ignored her. Then I told her to go poke it.  I don't think she sounds a bit nice.  I want this, I want that.  No way Jose.  So it looks as though all our things are going to be stolen while we pay a small fortune for doggie to reside at kennels.  Today, I will try to get onto the agency.

And now, dear reader, I have got our house into an almighty muddle.  Mr Smith is being difficult and refusing to pack so much as a sock and the digusting smell of cardboard boxes is driving me bananas.
I am doing quite well but it is still all such a mess. I am tempted to fill all the shelves and cupboards again.

My weight is dropping.  But then I eat enough to keep a fly alive so that's hardly surprising.  We have a party in two weeks.  Maybe I could be thin for it?  A bit ambitious I know; ok then just a bit less fat.  My very skinniest friend is coming.   She is even skinnier than the Lovely Claudia.  I call her Callista.

Today culture is planned for Smiths.  We are going to the John Soane Museum at Lincolns Inn to look at the Hogarths.  I will take the rake with me.  I wonder if Mr Smith might like to join us. Oh no, he is going for his curry club lunch.  Open all the windows.

Flying carpet

We bought a carpet for our new house.  It is lovely.  We also bought a sofa.  It is absolutely gorgeous - duck egg blue and very very squidgy.  Oh happy me.  8 weeks til delivery.  This is my sofa for my room with my things and my library and my dog....not on my new sofa.

I am having extreme difficulty finding a house sitter.  The one I am now in negotiation with charges enormous money and wants train fares, food allowance and a bicycle.  Rather demanding! I don't mind paying her train fare from her house to mine but I am not paying for her to travel from her present job to her house then from there to me. That is asking too much.  I think I am going to turn her down.

I am having a weekend of no packing but I am not enjoying it because 1. We have stupid cardboard boxes everywhere but they are all the wrong size and 2. Mr Smith is here with a clipboard.  Go away.

Housey housey

Mr Smith is taking me shopping.  Don't get excited, it will be for a vegetable and some bog paper.  We are not allowed any new things.  We'll see about that as there is a carpet shop I am particularly keen on.  We will need carpets for our boards.

I am still looking for a house sitter whilst we frolic around Canada for a week.  The big fat Canadian wedding is the main feature.  I cannot tell you how much I do not want to go.  I want to move into my lovely new house and enjoy it.  Anyway, in the meantime I have to sift through the good, bad and homeless.  I am being a bit racist because I think a black person might have a hard time in our seaside town.  I don't want to inflict that on anyone.

Now to read tales of woe to Mr Smith about awful house sitters who help themselves to the booze and invite all their mates round.  There must be heaps.

Box city

Help, I am drowning in cardboard boxes and I don't like their nasty cardboardy smell.  We have packed some books and a few things from the spare room - result is 30 boxes of crap all piled to the ceiling in the spare room and another 6 under the table in the playroom and another 5 in the sittingroom.  No, I cannot live like this for a whole month.  I was so over zealous in my start. All boxes must go to the spare room and nestle there in a happy fashion.  Then I can breathe.

We are having a party.  Do come.  It is simply so I can stop feeling guilty about not letting Mrs Nosey into my house .... Ever.  She can come and ask as many nosey questions as she wants such as how much did we sell for and how much did our new house cost.  I will answer all such enquiries with complete dishonesty.  I am sure there are several Mrs Noseys but Mrs P serves our end of the street.  Mr Smith keeps talking to her and even showed her a picture of our new house .... with no price.

Perhaps when I get towards the end I will be pleased I made an early start.  Three less books to pack.

Exchange & Mart

We have exchanged on both houses.  Weyhey, we are moving in a month.
A bit scarey.  Off to our posh house in the country.  I am SO excited.

Like a mad squirrel I am collecting packaging.  I have sent off for lots of boxes and wrapping material.  Such fun.  I am bursting to make a start.  I have a plan which involves a central hub of operations where we store all our packed boxes and a satellite for all our unpacked boxes.  Giant sellotape and pens will be our weapons.  Shall I get a white board so we can mark our planning strategies?  We will need coloured pens.

Mr Smith makes annoying suggestions.  It's ok he won't be here on removals day as I constantly remind him.  He will be golfing in America.  Thank you God.  Honestly, that is just the best ammo ever.  He does exactly as I tell him otherwise I remind him of his hideous selfishness. Frequently.

What's the time?

I lost my watch.  Mr Smith helped me look for it mumbling away about irresponsibility with expensive possessions etc.  Who me?  The person who gardens in Jimmy Choos and drives her Mercedes like a bumper car.  No joy.  I was in Bond Street with 30 grand of loveliness on my wrist, as I was trying on expensive watches, when I suddenly remembered I had put it in my sock drawer before I went to Paris.  I beetled home.  There it was.  So happy.  £30,000 less spent.  Mr Smith should be ecstatic ....but it was SO beautiful.

Anyway, back on planet Earth where we still haven't bought a house, my cardboard boxes arrived.  My yearning to start packing them up has dwindled.  I will start next week.  In the meantime I will send off for more kit.  Oh how I love packing material - tissue and bubble wrap, carboard, paper and best of all ... pallet wrap which is giant cling film.  It packs everything.